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Wedding Fever
Sunday, February 15, 2009
My brother got married yesterday. Well, technically he was already married on paper since last August. So what I'm referring to is the actual church ceremony. Which is great news, considering my parents didn't want to acknowledge he and his wife were married until it was by a priest.

It's been a roller coaster of emotions in my family for the past several months. First, there was the announcement back in August 2008 that they were getting married. The setting: after dinner in a Chinese restaurant. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal to see my family in a Chinese restaurant. But you see, my brother never takes us out to dinner. So when he and my sister-in-law (hey, I might as well get used to calling her that now) randomly announced that they wanted to take the family out to dinner, we were all very suspicious. Oh, and by "family" I don't mean just the five of us. I mean like.. cousins, grandparents, you know... a small gathering of about 20 people. I remember the week leading up to the dinner my mom made a comment to me along these lines.... "I hope they're not planning to make some crazy announcement like they're getting married, because I'll have a heart attack in public."

Yah, not exactly the way I'd want my parents to react if I ever announced I was getting married. Judging from that statement, I advised my brother to tell my parents in private first. Shortly after that, I found out that they had actually eloped and got married in the courthouse, oh about.. a year ago. I won't bore you with more details, but let's just say that I talked my brother into telling my parents the whole truth, and well... I don't think I ever want to see my parents that upset again. To make amends, my brother and SIL decided to go through the marriage course at our church. After a few months of these courses, answering questionnaires about their views on marriage, raising kids, finances, etc. and meeting with the priest, they finally set a date. January 2009 they announced that they wanted the wedding to be February 14th, Valentines day. One month. That's all we had to put together this wedding.

I must say, I was expecting it to be a disaster. Let's face it, one month in wedding time is like a blink of an eye. I was a bridesmaid and normally I would've loved to help with wedding preparations, but work is so busy right now. I barely made it to David's Bridal on the weekdays since it closed at 9pm. So really I had only a few assignments. Try on dress, order dress, try on shoes, order shoes with dye to match dress color, show up at wedding. I really didn't get to see the rest of what SIL was planning for the big day. The wedding ended up being really beautiful given the time and budget we had. Friday night, right after the wedding rehearsal and before I went to bed, I had a good cry. I think I was finally able to let go....of.... I dunno. I wouldn't say it's anger, or bitterness. But I'll be honest, there was always something about their relationship that I didn't like. I was really judgmental of her, of their relationship, of their secrets they kept from my parents. It's something I'm not proud of. I mean, who am I to judge? But I think that night as I cried myself to sleep, I think I finally made my peace with all this. Instead of being sad (which of course a part of me was) that my brother was leaving us, that he would never sleep in this house again, I felt this great abundance of joy in my heart. Joy that my brother was happy, that he was able to make peace with God, my parents, himself.

So I am happy to report, that the story has a happy ending. It was a great celebration, and I'm blessed to have been a part of it. Now of course the relatives are all taking bets that I'm next (my brother and I are the oldest of the cousins from both mom and dad's side) and since I'm a girl, I can't help but get all excited at the thought of my big day. God willing, I hope that I can have a beautiful wedding with all my loved ones present. When I was younger, or even not that many years ago, I always envisioned my wedding to be this big grand thing. Very fancy, very elegant. Now that I'm older and gaining more perspective in life, I realize that while those things would be nice, more importantly, it's the family and friends, and God's presence that I want most. In the end, nobody really cares about how much you spent on your dress, your hair/makeup, your table centerpieces. I want the focus to be on a marriage, as opposed to a wedding. Still, it doesn't hurt to start putting together pictures for my slide show. :)


posted by Daphne @ 10:24 PM  
  • At 8:48 AM, Blogger nath said…

    Yay! It's nice to see you post :) Miss you a lot, Daphne!!

    and wow, I can imagine the whole drama... Jeez, he eloped?!? I'm a bit fuzzy on dates, especially since it's been so long since you blogged... but does that mean they started living together when they got married.

    It's also weird that they eloped and kept it secret for so long.

    Ah well, I'm glad it was a nice wedding!

  • At 9:18 AM, Blogger Isabel said…

    Oh wow, he eloped? Are your parents ok now? And wow a month to plan. At least it all worked out in the end. Glad to see you post again. :)

  • At 10:38 AM, Blogger Holly said…

    Snap, I forgot that was this weekend. I'm glad everything turned out ok and I'm really glad you were able to come to terms with it. I completely understand your frustrations, but you're right, it's better to accept it and move on.

    As for your wedding...As long as I'm there I don't care what size it is (meaning:Don't you even think about getting married anywhere other than here!). =)

    Lub you.

  • At 12:38 PM, Blogger Rowena said…


    The good thing is he's happy. I'm with Izzy, how are your parents feeling about the marriage now? I'm so glad to see you posting again sweetie, I know how busy you've been.

  • At 3:31 PM, Blogger Rosie said…

    Wow it sounds like you really had an epiphany and made some peace with things. You are so right about your observations about the marriage being more important than the wedding. Maria Shriver wrote a book called 10 Things I Wish I'd Known Before I Went Out in the Real World. One of the ten things was about weddings. She said pretty much the same thing you did. She wishes she'd had a smaller wedding with close friends and family. Who is there, what you say (liturgy) is more important than the dress or flowers or anything else.

  • At 10:08 AM, Blogger Tracy said…

    Congrats to your brother on his wedding. I'm shocked that they kept it a secret for so long - that's crazy!

    I'm glad you made peace with the whole situation. When I have issues with family it just puts such a strain on the relationship. Better to accept.

  • At 4:53 PM, Blogger Siao said…

    daphne, this is a beautiful post. not just about your brother, but the process of growing up, maturation, and realizing the important things in life. it was refreshing.

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Who Is Daphne?

Name: Daphne
Home: California, United States
About Me: I love to read, especially romance books. I love to play, especially computer games and puzzles. I love to dance, especially lindy hop. I love my family and friends.
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