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Fake excitement
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
My brother's gf Janice told me some big news yesterday. She and my brother Doug have decided to get married in August 2009.

Notice I didn't put an exclamation point there.

Janice then asked me for two favors 1) that I not say anything to my parents until she and Doug tell them in August (so that by then they can say they've officially known each other for two years); 2) I be one of her bridesmaids.

Now of course this was all told to me via online chat, since those two never call me just to chitty chit chat. So when I said "Congratulations!" what I really felt was... no way, are you kidding me?! And that bothers me. What is wrong with me? This is supposed to be exciting news, and I know I should be happy for him if this is what makes Doug happy. But honestly, my first thought was How can you afford a wedding when you can't even pay me back the rest of the $472 you owe me for that dang TV?
If you ask me, I think they need to be a little more stable first before they can commit to something like this.

Or does it not matter since they already live together anyway? It wouldn't really change things much except that they'll be husband and wife, and she'll be my sister-in-law. So here I am scratching my head and trying to sort out the conflicting emotions I'm having. I guess I can't pinpoint the 'disappointment' or whatever you want to call it to one single thing.

I initially blame it on their financial status, saying they can't afford it. But like I said, it's no different than them living together now. So does that mean I don't like Janice? Possibly. I've said it before, I like her as a person, but I sometimes don't like them together. Or maybe it's because she'll be taking away the last link my brother and I have. Alright, I'm not saying I'm a psycho sister that needs to be numero uno in her brother's life; really I'm not. But I will admit that ever since they've been together I've felt he's placed all priorities on her. Would I feel this way even if I wasn't the single one now and I was still in a relationship? Honestly? Yes.

And then here's the last part I wanted to share, and please correct me if I'm totally being a snob.... but I asked her how he proposed and this is what she said: Basically he didn't really propose they just talked about it and she said don't bother with a proposal since he had already once proposed to her when he was drunk. Okay, I'm sorry but to me, that's just wrong. Call me old fashioned, cliched, whatever. I want my future husband to propose to me.... and that's after he's spoken to both his parents and mine for their blessings.

So there you have it. I guess I need to pencil in August 2009 on my calendar now. She's already starting to ask me questions on how to go about planning the wedding. As if I have time. Great, just great. And since I'm a freakin pushover, you know I'm going to help.

Labels: , ,

posted by Daphne @ 9:04 AM  
  • At 1:07 PM, Blogger Holly said…

    Hmm..That whole thing sounds kind of shady. Why wait to tell the 'rents? If they really care about each other I don't see why they'd feel the need to wait to tell everyone.

    And that proposal? Whack. Isn't that going to be fun to tell their future children about? *sigh*

    Be strong, babe! Or tell them I'll plan the wedding..for a huge fee. :P

  • At 1:39 PM, Blogger Isabel said…

    this just bothers me. Why the secret engagement? Why wait unti it's been two years. Joey and I had been dating for less than two years when he popped the question and no one said anything?

    And the proposal... is it even a proposal. tell them to have a drive through wedding at the chapel in vegas.

    And.. be strong. You are just a bridesmaid, not the MOH or the MOB. It shouldn't all fall on you. When she asks you for advice say, "i don't know nuthin about planning weddings!" ala gone with the wind.

  • At 7:02 PM, Blogger Kat O+ said…

    Before I got married, I would probably have agreed with almost everything you said, but my husband didn't do a traditional proposal when it came down to it, and even though it won't win any prizes for romance, it amuses me to recount the story of him proposing ... in his tracksuit! It's all about the context, I think. I also expected him to ask my parents first, but it didn't work out that way, and even though my Dad might have liked to have had a chat with him first, personally it doesn't bother me much now because it's more of a cultural formality for me. And it actually bothered my husband to think that he had to ask someone else for permission rather than asking me first (which surprised me). I do think your brother got off a little easy, though, if he proposed while drunk!

    Which is all to say that they've probably worked out a different dynamic in their relationship and it's difficult to say whether or not the things that bother other people about it have a more profound meaning. Maybe they want to wait 2 years before announcing it to make it seem more special and it means something for them.

    However, I do agree with you about the cost of a wedding. That was one of the first things that popped into my head, too, when my brother said he was getting married!

    As for planning a wedding. Dear lord, that's the fastest way to pick a fight with your new family. Buy her a subscription to a bridal magazine and make sounds of sympathy when she's all a-dither about planning and making decisions. My motto about other people's weddings is that if they stuff it up, I'm not setting myself up to be the fall person. Unless I'm being paid. A lot.

  • At 7:09 PM, Blogger Kat O+ said…

    I went on a bit there, didn't it? *slightly embarrassed*

  • At 7:21 PM, Blogger Daphne said…

    Holly/Izzy - Yah I don't see why they have to wait to tell my parents. It's not like I didn't let the cat out of the bag and hinted to mom that they were living together. What difference does it make?

    Kat - Haha! You crack me up. Honestly though, thanks for sharing your opinion/thoughts. You brought up a good point about each couple having their own special somethings that have significance. Every couple is different right? I guess I never thought about it that way.

    The whole asking the parents first... see I do kinda agree that the only answer that matters is the bride's... and what if her parents aren't close at all and are just awful people? In that case I don't think it's a solid rule that parents must always be asked first. That might be this case since my bro's gf's parents are kinda whack. But for me.. I have a great relationship with my parents so maybe that's why I always envisioned my future husband to be welcomed warmly by my family.

  • At 6:04 AM, Blogger nath said…

    So what, they just discussed it and decided to get married and that's it? I mean, no offense, but your brother still should have asked her again.

    I doubt they'll be able to keep it a secret till August... and seriously, I'm not sure your parents will be thrilled once they learn about it. I mean, your son was "engaged" for 6 months before he announced it to you? Oh yeah, I'm sure that'll go well.

    Be strong Daphne, and good luck! :)

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Who Is Daphne?

Name: Daphne
Home: California, United States
About Me: I love to read, especially romance books. I love to play, especially computer games and puzzles. I love to dance, especially lindy hop. I love my family and friends.
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