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The Ick Factor
Sunday, July 08, 2007
My good buddy Siao and I were talking about dating and how it's so much harder to be the guy asking a girl out. You gotta give some guys props out there- the ones who at least have some courage. I mean, they put themselves out there, and totally take a risk at being rejected. I know a lot of times we girls don't even give the guy a chance. Yes, we have every right to say "no," it happens. But I think a mistake that some guys make is that when they finally do hear a "yes" response, they develop the ick factor.

What is the ick factor? It's the qualities that make you (the guy) look desperate, and slightly creepy. Let me give you an example. I knew this guy in college named George. He was a nice guy, able to carry conversation, and was pretty smart. The problem was that he hadn't had a girlfriend/date in a long time, and it was all he would ever talk about. The guy was always pointing out cute girls to me, but when I suggested he talk to them, he never would. Oh brother. One day he tells me he asked a girl from one of his classes out and she said yes. Okay, now this was promising. I thought maybe there's hope for him after all. But what does he do for their first date? Takes the girl to Disneyland, treats her to one of the fancy overpriced restaurants there, and gets her like a dozen roses. Yup. Ick factor. There it is.

Needless to say, the girl never requested a second date, and George was scratching his head wondering what happened and what he did wrong. Now before I dive futher, let me point out that I am not a dating expert. I'm a total newbie when it comes to dating. But I am a girl. Siao and I discussed this at length, he giving his perspective as a guy, me as a girl. It's easier said than done, but here are some tips I think might help guys out there like this:

1) Be confident. Girls can always tell when you lack confidence. I once had a guy ask me out and before I could explain my answer he said "It's a no huh? Is it because you don't think I'm attractive?" Umm... wtf?! That changed my tentative no answer to a definite no. So be confident. How do you develop confidence? Well, it helps when you know how much you have to offer someone and you know that a girl's "no" just means they are missing out.

2) If a girl says yes, don't freak her out by overdoing it. This means keeping the first date casual. Going all out kinda makes you look like you're so grateful someone said yes to you that you're desperately trying to hold on to it, as opposed to getting to know the girl a little more. Does this mean you can't give flowers? No, of course not. Just don't overdo it. So this will vary depending on the type of girl. The fancier the atmosphere, the more tense the date tends to get. I would keep it casual as much as possible, to allow more time to chat and be relaxed.

3) Follow up on her interests, but again, don't go overboard. I know this guy who has a bit of ick factor in him... he was in love with this girl who he knew loved stuffed animals. So what did he do? (true story, btw) He made her a teddy bear from scratch. Like literally learned how to sew, bought stuffing, etc. and tried to be his own "build-a-bear" workshop. I saw his bear project once, it was just the bear head, and omg it was creepy. I can't believe how much time/money he spent making that bear. So if a girl says she likes chocolate, okay fine you can buy her a small box of chocolate. But the minute you do anything that is out of the way, it's obvious you're either in love with the girl or just trying too hard. Save those kind of gifts for later as your relationship progresses.

4) Keep an open mind and be sociable. Most guys I know with the Ick Factor have this in common... they only go to social events when they know most of the people there or if they know a cute/hot girl will be there. This is a big no no. Why? Because you never know who you'll meet and how far networking can get you. So what if you didn't meet a cute girl that night; you might have met someone else, a potential friend who then invites you to something else where you'll meet more people. It's a domino effect. You never want to limit yourself to the same places with familiar faces, otherwise you won't ever meet anyone new.

So there you have it. I could probably go on and on, but these are just the basic points that came to my mind when I was talking with Siao. I don't think many guys will be seeing this, but it's also a good reminder for us girls. It can sorta work the same way for us I guess. For me, I'm working on number 4, trying to get out of my comfort zone and try new things. So if you know someone struggling with Ick Factors, this might be something to think about.

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posted by Daphne @ 10:45 PM  
  • At 6:29 AM, Blogger Isabel said…

    He made her a stuffed bear from scratch??? Oh my. What happened with that.

    I have to agree on you with this. Lord, I just had flashbacks of the Salsa Stalker.

  • At 10:15 AM, Blogger Holly said…

    LOL @ Salsa Stalker.

    I'm so with you on this. The "Ick Factor" is a definite no no when it comes to dating. Blech.

    Good points, babe.

  • At 5:25 PM, Blogger Siao said…

    ick factor is a catch 22-- the less dating experience, the more ick he can become.. and conversely, the more he dates, the less ick he is too..?

  • At 5:38 PM, Blogger Daphne said…

    So does that mean you have a lot of the ick factor Siao? hehe, j/k!

  • At 10:39 AM, Blogger Rowena said…

    Great points sweetie, I totally agree with all of that...and who the stuffed bear? Wow.

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Name: Daphne
Home: California, United States
About Me: I love to read, especially romance books. I love to play, especially computer games and puzzles. I love to dance, especially lindy hop. I love my family and friends.
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