| Daily Doses: |
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| Currently Reading: |
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| Good For My Eyes: |
Sydney Opera House |
| To Name A Few: |
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| Awesome Authors: |
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| Good For My Ears: |
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| When I Have Time: |
24 - Fox
Beauty and the Geek - CW
Lost - ABC
Family Guy - Fox
The Simpsons - Fox
I Love Lucy - Fox
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| Birthday |
| Tuesday, June 10, 2008 |
Today is Benny's birthday. Wonder if I should send him a text or email or something. Would that be weird considering the last time I talked to him was June 20, 2007... before he was dating someone new? I guess it doesn't have to be weird unless I make it that way.
And speaking of birthdays.. mine is coming up too... June 20. I'm getting so old. Why couldn't time just stop when I was 24? That was a great age. I'm one more year closer to 30. Cripes. I don't even want to do anything this year. Last year I threw myself a pirate party, which was really fun... but too much work. So this year, I am going to do nothing. And you know what? I'm totally fine with that.Labels: Benny, Random Updates |
posted by Daphne @ 2:47 PM   |
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| OMG stupid facebook |
| Wednesday, December 05, 2007 |
| Can someone please tell me why I just got a friend request from Benny's mother!? Benny. My ex-boyfriend Benny. WTF!!!! And how does she even know about facebook? My mom doesn't even know what myspace is. Do I accept or ignore? Help! Labels: Benny, Random Updates |
| posted by Daphne @ 1:06 PM |
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| Profile, Picture, and Peer Pressure Oh My |
| Wednesday, June 13, 2007 |
So this morning I'm minding my own business, checking emails and chatting with Isabel and Dylan. Isabel asks if I had changed my facebook profile pic, from just my face to the picture of me and mah crush Rob. Why would I change it you ask? Well, about two weeks ago, Benny the ex sent me a friend request on facebook. I pretty much rolled my eyes when I saw he opened an account, because I've had one since college, and he's always refused to make an account. Well I guess Benny needs to make new friends huh?
So I accepted the friend request, skipping the "How do you know this person?" portion.....because there was no way I was going to check the "we dated" box. Yah, talk about awkward. So now he's my "facebook friend." Of course Isabel, the scheming one, suggests that I put up the picture of me and Rob. After all, it's not MY fault if Benny happens to check my profile picture and see me with a guy friend. *evil grin*
I hesitated at first, only because I have a couple of coworkers on my friend list, who happen to know Rob. I don't want them thinking I'm obsessed and then go tell Rob. "You weinie," Isabel says. Oh well, fine. Talk about peer pressure. I decide to upload the picture, and as soon as I refresh my profile, I feel guilty. I thought "if it was the other way around, I don't think I'd wanna see a picture of Benny with his arm around some girl."
I decide to browse through my picture folder and upload another picture, because dammit, I just felt too guilty. Okay, no problem, just change the picture back and no one will ever know. I'm about to select a picture of me and a cousin, when ding! I get an IM from my old college buddy Wally:
W: What's the alias of the guy in the pic?
Me: Eh? OMG are you on facebook right now?
W: Yes. hahahaha
What the heck man, I had that picture up for less than a minute, and already people notice. I start explaining to him that the guy is Rob, blah blah blah.. then ding! OMG, another ping from my girl Natalie:
N: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Cutie cutie cutie. Why didn't you put up the other picture of you and Rob and Disneyland?
Seriously people. You can't even give me 2 minutes to change my profile back and forth? So there, it's done. Picture is up. "Wait a minute," I realize. "Isabel and Dylan don't even have a facebook, so why the heck did I even do this? They wouldn't even know if I changed it." Snap, I just got owned by those two b!tches (hehe love you gals). Wow, talk about peer pressure. See how easily I give in to these girls. Labels: Benny, Random Updates, Rob |
| posted by Daphne @ 9:24 AM |
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| Random Update |
| Tuesday, April 24, 2007 |
So Benny called me last night, totally out of the blue. He called just to see how I was doing. I replied, "I'm doing great! And you?" He told me the following:
1) He got a motorcycle license and is planning on getting a bike now. Okay wtf? Are you trying to get in an accident? Whatever. *rolls eyes*
2) His parents are vacationing in Prague and he's feeling kinda alone
3) Every weekend he goes out to a party or club and just gets drunk. "I should probably stop drinking so much huh?" he says. Yah. I didn't really have anything to comment to that.
4) "Well, tell your grandpa I said Happy Birthday. Or maybe don't tell him. I dunno, maybe it's best not to say anything." LOL I got a kick out of that one.
That was pretty much it. I had to go because I was at a birthday dinner with my whole family. When I got back to the table they were all surprised to hear he had called. They all said he probably misses me but I shouldn't cave in. And ya know what? I don't think I will. Had he called a week ago, I probably would've been hopeful, but now I really think I am over it. Thank goodness for my little excursion last Friday (see previous post). It really just gave me the boost I need and self confidence to move forward.Labels: Benny, Random Updates |
| posted by Daphne @ 5:29 PM |
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| Why do I torture myself? |
| Thursday, April 12, 2007 |
Every day I check his myspace. Why? I dunno, I'm stupid, I'm psycho, I'm not over it yet. And each time I do it, I just know it's going to upset me. So again, I ask myself, why do I keep doing this? Well, simple. It's because I want to see who is leaving him comments. I want to torture myself by seeing that he's got plans to go clubbing or whatever on the weekend. I torture myself by seeing random girls with skanky looking pictures and profiles set to "private" leave comments on his page. I torture myself by thinking of him talking to these girls, laughing with these girls, dancing with these girls. God, I'm pathetic. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm sad. Like I've lost my best friend. I know I'm being unfair. It's like I want to move on, but I don't want him to be with anyone else. I remember saying I wanted to be friends down the road. Now that I think back on it... I probably meant... "I want to remain friends.. as long as you're not dating anyone new."
Is it possible for exes to be friends down the road? I used to say yes, but right now I'm not so sure.Labels: Benny |
| posted by Daphne @ 10:56 PM |
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| And that's that.... |
| Sunday, April 01, 2007 |
Just got off the phone with Benny. It's officially over. Let me bring you up to speed for a second. The other night I got home and logged onto myspace. As usual I checked Benny's profile to see if he had any comments from friends about clubbing and partying and such. I looked at his "status" and it said "single." I can't even begin to describe how hurt I was by that. How could he change his status to single when he hasn't spoken to me in over 5 weeks? Well I was basically hurt, humiliated, and saddened by his action. I know I said I wouldn't be the one to reach out to him again, but I could not let him get away with this. Did he just think I was going to see that, and take the hint? So that hopefully he wouldn't have to confront me? No way buster! You better believe that I'm going to have some words with you.
So I sent him a message saying something along the lines of "I'm done with waiting, we need to talk NOW." He called me and I was like "so rumor has it that you're single." He said that it was NOT his intention to put up "single" so that I would see it and think that's how we were ending this. He said "I wanted to see what it looked like." Sooooo I said "Well, it looked pretty shitty from my end of the computer screen." Whatever, that was lame.
The whole conversation I was surprisingly calm, and I told him I didn't want to talk to him so that I could yell or call him names. I'm just glad I was able to say what I wanted to say. I told him what he did was hurtful and disrepectful. I said a lot of other things, and he agreed with everything I said. He said he was sorry for being a jerk, sorry for putting me through all the hurt, etc etc.
In the end, I forgave him. I know I'll get a lot of crap for that from other people, but I truly believe he is sorry, and I'm not the type of person to keep anger inside of me. Forgive, and move on. We also agreed that it was possible for us to be friends (not immediately or anything, but it's not like we're going to completely cut off and block each other on aim, or anything like that). So I feel like this huge weight is lifted off my shoulders.
It's gonna take a long time for the healing process to work on me, but I think I will be fine. I know that I'm an awesome person and I know he's missing out. After five years, it's such a weird feeling. I'm starting over and it's just.... scary. I can only hope that things like this happen for a reason, and I will still be able to get my happy ending.Labels: Benny |
| posted by Daphne @ 6:21 PM |
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| Too much alone time |
| Tuesday, March 13, 2007 |
I haven't seen Benny since Valentines Day. I've called him twice since then, but both times he was out of town. He forgot our 5 year anniversary, and hasn't tried to contact me since. Despite all this, I've been trying to move forward with my life. Each day I keep myself busy with work, chatting with friends, exercising, and reading. Because of all this crap I'm going through, there are times when I just want to be alone. I don't want my mom asking me why I'm not seeing Benny that weekend, and I most definitely don't want to see my brother and his new gf acting so lovey dovey. Being alone is good sometimes, but it's also the only time I allow myself to think about Benny and therefore become depressed.
This is my fourth consecutive week out of town. My first two weeks I was out here by myself. I thought last week and this week would be better with my whole team out. As it turns out, they all want to do their own thing after work, be it study, work out, buy some food to bring back to their room.
So here I am, in my hotel room (I've hopped to four different hotels in four weeks) watching American Idol. I don't know why, but I just watched a performance where some girl sang the words "I've been missing you," and I just lost it. I thought about how much I miss him and the tears just started coming out. I just began to sob, not just a few tears sliding down my cheek, I'm talking about crying so hard you're taking shuddering breaths.
I wish I weren't alone right now. I've had enough of alone time. I wish I had all my cousins here, my gal pals, or just a shoulder to cry on. Or maybe I should just stop listening to music with lyrics about being lonely or missing someone.Labels: Benny, Venting |
| posted by Daphne @ 9:07 PM |
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| Can I get some support here? |
| Thursday, February 22, 2007 |
So for those of you who don't know, Benny and I are going through a really rough time in our relationship right now. We're basically "on a break," which I know sounds totally lame, but I can't think of a better way to say what's happening. He basically dropped this huge bomb on me two weeks ago, when he told me that he was unhappy with our relationship. He feels like we have nothing in common anymore and that our lives have become very routine. Now mind you, I've been with the guy for almost 5 years now, and he's my first boyfriend. We met in college and have been dating since. If you had asked me three weeks ago how my relationship was, I would have said "wonderful, couldn't be better, it's only a matter of time now before we finally tie the knot." So you can imagine my surprise and punch-to-the-gut feeling when Benny told me all this.
I'm not going to go into all the details of our dilemma. Believe me, I've already cried my eyes out and sought the advice/comfort from my closest friends (thanks you guys!). I'd like to think I'm a reasonable person, so I've been listening to Benny, trying to understand what he's feeling. I think he's very confused right now and so I decided we both need a breather. Hence, the "on a break" status.
Now what pisses me off, is that other than my closest friends, I've been pretty much keeping this to myself. I try to keep myself busy at work (which is actually easy since I'm swamped right now) and I try to put on a smile. I haven't told my family yet, since they think we're "so solid" (to quote my mother) and I'm still hoping we can work things out. After much debating though, I knew I had to share this with my brother. After all, we're pretty close and I was there for him when he and his ex split after being together for 5-6 years. The only reason I was hesitant to tell him, was that he's in a brand spankin new relationship. Don't get me wrong, I like his new gf, but seeing the two of them all lovey dovey sometimes makes me wanna gag.
Last week he and his gf were at my house having dinner, and they invited me to join them. I decided to roll out of my bed, which was basically a heaping mess of hidden tissues, romance books, remote control and stuffed animals. At dinner my brother asked the usual, "where's Benny?" and I shrugged saying he was spending time with friends. Then after deciding to finally confide in him I added, "actually... we're sort of on a break."
See, this is the part where my brother is supposed to comfort me. To back me up and say "oh no, what happened? do you want to talk about it?" But no. What does he say? "oh really?? hmm.... *pause* well, no offense, but I kinda saw it coming, what with him going out all the time lately." Then he proceeds to talk to his gf as if that was all he needed to say on the subject.
Well now, ain't that peachy keen?
By now, I'm fuming mad. Are you kidding me? Are you seriously flippin kidding me? Excuse me, who was your shoulder to cry on when you and your ex split? Who listened to you in the wee hours of the morning trying to comfort you? Throw me a bone will ya? All I wanted was to talk to you and you basically just throw it back in my face.
You know, I can make a big list of ways I, as his little sister support him. But that's for another blog. For now I will just say that I'm hurt. For my own brother to just dismiss the subject like that when he knows how much I love Benny is just hurtful and selfish. I know he's in a new relationship, so his thoughts are 24/7 focused on his gf. But all I ask is that he step aside for two seconds and be my big brother.Labels: Benny, Family, Venting |
| posted by Daphne @ 9:10 AM |
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